Ron and I outdid ourselves with this one... the film is pretty foul, and I think I was pretty clever with dinner, but we'll let you be the judge of that.
With this little film, we're probably gonna lose a few of you. The Human Centepede isn't for the faint of heart, but we swear they're not all going to be this bad.
We knew what we were watching without even thinking about it. We've had the Human Centipede in our queue since it was showing in the theaters and we realized we had the misfortune of missing it on the big screen. It was really funny, actually, I saw someone had written in about the film to The Mountain Express, our local independent newspaper, and they said that it was "the most disgusting movie ever made" and then they rambled on about how movies like (The Human Centipede) shouldn't be made and had no place... blah blah blah. I immediately emailed Ron and said something to the effect of, "OMG we HAVE HAVE HAVE to see this!!!" I quickly received his response, "I heard about this movie and YES we HAVE to see it!"
We are so lucky we found each other. Sometimes, when I think about the terror I've inflicted on lesser men with my movie choices... heh.
So, we made plans to head to the Fine Arts that afternoon and quickly realized that it had just made its departure from there. *cry* But, it was already on Netflix waiting to be released! Into the queue it went and a few months later in was in our hot little hands!
Here is the Netflix synopsis:
After their car breaks down while in Germany, Americans Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) wind up at a remote villa -- and soon find themselves trapped in a nightmare. Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser) kidnaps them for his demented experiment to create a human "centipede." The plan includes removing their kneecaps so they must walk on all fours, then surgically connecting them to a Japanese man to create a bizarre human chain.
I mulled over what to make for this film and I couldn't quit giggling when I remembered one of the first things I learned how to make - Caterpillar Potatoes. Silly? Yes. Delicious and easy? Yes.
It was decided.
Greek Chicken and Caterpillar Potatoes
I use a LOT of whole cut-up chickens in my cooking. Everyone gets what piece they want, you get the neck and back which make awesome stock, they are super cheap (think $4!) and the offal (organs) are included. The organs go great in stuffing, make good fishing bait, if you have a pet turtle - they love organs (my turtle, Snappy, used to LOVE chicken hearts), or you may just have an organ-loving boyfriend, like me.
I started with one, whole cut-up chicken, rinsed well.
In a gallon-sized, zip-top bag, mix the following:
1 bottle fat-free Greek dressing (Vermont Farms)
3-4 cloves minced garlic
1/4 cup olive oil
zest of one lemon
juice of one lemon
1 tbs dried rosemary
1 tbs lemon pepper seasoning
1 tbs Greek seasoning
Shake well and add your chicken. I put the chicken in first and then added the marinade ingredients, it isn't bad to do this, you just have to shake it longer. Let this sit in your refrigerator for at least a few hours, overnight is also fine.
When you chicken is almost done marinating, get started on your potatoes.
I'm sure a lot of gals my age or my mom's age know this recipe. Caterpillar potatoes seemed really popular when I was young and then I just never saw anyone doing them anymore. Damn Dr. Atkins...
But they are super simple and really yummy.
You need one, long, baking potato per person.
You also need:
1 softened stick of butter or margarine
1 tbs dried rosemary
1/2 tbs garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste
Mix the softened butter with the seasonings and set aside.
Slice across the potato, about 3/4 of the way through, from end to end.
You want to slice far enough down so that it'll open up as it's baked, but not so far through that it falls apart.
Keep your slices pretty close together, you want to have lots of segments.
After you get your potatoes sliced, slather the butter mixture onto your potatoes - making sure to get some in the creases.
Wrap the potatoes in foil and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. My oven sucks. If you haven't noticed our teeny-tiny kitchen, Ron and I live in a guest cottage, so our kitchen is SMALL. We have one of those mini ranges, and some days our oven is super hot and others it's meh. So, what you need to do is bake your potatoes until they are half-way cooked through.
See - they are starting to look a little like caterpillars.
After the initial baking, unwrap them, slather on more butter mixture and return to the oven unwrapped and raise the temperature to 375.
This is when I put in my chicken in the oven.
I removed the chicken from the marinade and laid it out on a foil-covered baking sheet, topped it with feta cheese and thinly sliced lemons, and baked it for about an hour at 375.
Ron was being artsy.
So, potatoes and chicken in the oven, 375, one hour, dinner.
Mmmm - the feta gets all crispy and melty and baked lemons are awesome!
And here are the potatoes when they are all done - caterpillars! Feel free to put a little cheese on and put them back in the oven for a few minutes.
I also made some copper pennies. Copper pennies are just sliced carrots, steamed and then sauteed with a little butter and brown sugar. Nothing fancy.
Now that dinner is done, onto the movie!
WATCH - The Human Centipede Trailer
So much has been said about this film already, and we pretty much knew what we were getting into but, like the saying goes, you never really know someone until you live with them. Same goes for movies, you may have heard all about one, you may think you know everything that is going to happen, but until you watch it, you just don't know what kind of response it may illicit from you.
I knew how the people were connected going into it. I didn't think it could get much worse since I already knew the gross-out X factor. I was wrong.
This film is low-budget, lacks Hollywood slickness and has a desperate feel. This makes it amazing. It makes it real, like it could happen to you. Don't get me wrong, big-budget movies have their place but I can't think of a multi-million dollar, Hollywood horror movie that has actually scared me. This is mostly because the premises are impossible - I know dolls aren't going to come alive and kill me (no matter what my brother told me when I was little!) and I know that there isn't a videotape out there that kills you after you watch it... But there damn well could be a crazy-ass doctor who has lost his ever-loving mind and wants to make a horrible monstrosity out of me, my girlfriend and an unlucky Japanese guy.
I found myself cringing, hitting Ron's arm and hiding behind my glass of wine for most of the movie. That is to say I really enjoyed it. Sure there are holes, things aren't perfect, the acting ranges from good to laughable in some scenes, the dialouge also ranges from decent to laughable, but at least this movie made me feel something. I'm so tired of the formulaic crap that Hollywood tells us to like. "Oooohhhh look - an explosion! Pay $12.50 and we'll give you lots of 'em! We know you like bright and shiny and can't keep your attention focused for more than 30 seconds!" Bah. This is nothing like that. The Human Centipede is gritty, it's dirty, it's in no way polished and it has people fighting for their lives while sewn together in a most horrific way.
It definitely held my attention and gave us some REALLY interesting things to talk about after the film was over... You will too, trust me. I don't think you can watch this film and not have the "So where would you want to be?" discussion. I say see it. I'd give it a "Wow! That was something." There is one scene, that has nothing to do with the centipede, but it grossed us out so much that Ron managed to knock my glass of wine onto me in a flailing fit, and I, too, was flailing about, cringing, making gagging noises and otherwise so completely engulfed in what was happening that I didn't even notice my now-empty glass until I went to take a sip. My shirt was covered in red wine and I was unaware of coldness, or the stain, until minutes later.
That's an intense film.
That being said - it IS disgusting. Really disgusting. If you saw Hostel or Saw and either of those were too much for you - don't watch this movie. The Human Centipede doesn't pull any punches, it tells you what is going to happen in excruciating detail and then shows you. You never have to imagine anything, and yes, there is something to be said for leaving a little unknown but I think that this situation is so outside the realm of what most people would ever think of that it has to show you, or else you could never imagine the horror on your own. And not wanting to give anything away but I feel I owe it to you, if you have a problem with poop - don't watch this movie. If Pink Flamingos made you run out crying -don't watch this movie.
And now here's Ron!
Well, I lied. We are having insane internet problems right now and Ron is unable to do his review. Not to worry, he'll do it tomorrow. It's a good one, make sure to stop by and check it out later.
Thanks again for reading and we'll be back with more craziness tomorrow!
Dani and Ron